I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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