So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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