Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
