ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
