I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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