paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
