Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
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she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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