you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize