Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
