I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
