the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
