Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
