i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
