Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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