ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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