you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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