If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
