FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
