when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
