I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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