I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
