Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
