either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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