I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
