my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
