And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
