the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
one two three fourrrrnication!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
They have beer where we have blood.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
