Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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