im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
