I seem to have left my pride at pride
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize