I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
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And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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