Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
