last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
