I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
