A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
