Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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