No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
