Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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