My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
