Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
