I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
