Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Success! We fucked roommates!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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