saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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