The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
