What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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