I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
