it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
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I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
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bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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