His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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