Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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