Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
