We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
