With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
