The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
