someone threw a dead crab at me
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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