yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
