Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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