I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Operation Purity has been aborted
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
