if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
