we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
