Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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