So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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