she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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