this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize