Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Oh god it's open bar.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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