you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
40s are totally the cure
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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