she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
