i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
