We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do you still have your period?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
