dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
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Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
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I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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