the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
